New Pad

Pastel b. has moved after being in the same neighborhood for eight years! It's quite a change but we are embracing the new opportunities here. Wish us luck!

Voila, first post from our new pad in 2012!! 

(pic taken at the flower show at Victoria park earlier in the month)

Amazing Grace

In June 15th's edition of Time magazine, I came across a really heartwarming story about a 65 year old retired detective, Yukio Shige, scouting the three spots on the Tojinbo cliffs for suicides. If he finds someone, he would say "hi" and talk to them. A lot of times, the people he talk to would "burst into tears" and he would gently lead them to his "office".

He would serve them tea and oroshi-mochi, a sticky rice usually eaten only on New Year's. Shige is also a counsellor and he would listen and talk to the these people. He said that amongst men who commit suicide, it's almost universally work related, bounded by debts or unemployment. With women, it's health problems. As for youngsters, he would accompany them to their parents and make the parents "write a promise to change, and hang it on the wall".

For most of the past 5 years, he has funded his "organization" with his own savings or donations, to pay the rent of his office and sometimes help those he has "saved". Recently, the Japanese government pledged $100 million over the coming 3 years to organizations similar to Shige's. They have been petitioning for 5 years.

Japan has the highest suicide rate in the world, 23.8 per 100,000 person. Shige's reason behind serving the oroshi-mochi to those he has saved is bringing memories of loved ones celebrating the New Year's to their minds, reminding that they are not alone.

The article ended with Shige reading a letter from a man he has saved 5 years ago, thanking him for a second life. Then Shige's cell phone started to ring, the ring tone is the Amazing Grace. How great is that?

(Photo : http://jcollector.wordpress.com)

Teardrop

I went for my monthly manicure today. My manicurist is a very young lady, in her early twenties. I really look forward to meeting her every month. Not only do I leave with perfectly manicured hands, I'd have two hours of nice chat.

After I sat down and chosen a new color, we started our usual chat. Five minutes into our conversation, she suddenly blurted out that her boyfriend broke up with her. It was a week ago today. She said the day after the breakup, she went to work in a daze. She said seeing me was a relief because she could finally tell somebody while she was working. We had become good friends in the span of two years.

I couldn't see half of her face because she had to wear a paper mask whenever she's working. What I could see were tears welling up her big, clear eyes. Then, a tear dropped. My heart dropped, too. She then told me the details, but they did not register. In that two hours, tears swam in her eyes and an occasional tear would fall. She'd then say, "Sorry, I didn't mean to...."

I don't know if this is the breakup season or not. I still have a very vivid picture of that sad girl's faraway look in my earlier post. Today, seeing a cheerful and optimistic girl whom I know hurting is truly heavy. When she asked me to go for a puff, I could feel that every breath was painful. She was hoping exhaling the puff would let go some of the hurt.

I smiled a sad smile. I totally know how she feels. Again, this empathy comes from been there, done that. Getting older does not mean it hurt less. In a way, I think it hurts more, because "you [do] carry with you every relationship, every hurt, every joy, every pattern, somewhere embedded in your memory." You could even feel another person's pain.

The silver lining is that it makes me a better listener because I could relate to these feelings. I hope I'd helped a little listening to her story today.
(photo : www.thepissedoffbride.com)

A Far Away Look

A couple nights ago, I went down to dinner at my favorite haunt, the cafe at the corner. Since I brought Porky along and dogs were not allowed indoors, we sat outside. I didn't much notice the table in front of us. We sat down and ordered. While waiting for my order, I accidentally listened in the conversation at the next table.

One girl was telling her girl friend about how hurt she was, how she did not expect this, how there was this other woman....

Her girl friend tried to console her, to trash the guy, the other woman, it didn't help the case and the tears flowed....

The storyline was not what caught my attention.

What caught my attention was when the girl friend got up to go to the bathroom, the hurt friend just sat and waited, looking at the street with the saddest faraway look. She wasn't focused on anything, anyone. She just sat there with red rimmed eyes and looked into the distance, into the past. I could still see her pretty profile. That faraway look....what was she thinking?

In my previous post (the excerpt), it said, "When you love someone, you are also loving everyone you have ever loved before. You carry with you every relationship, every hurt, every joy, every pattern...." Somehow, sitting there looking at her, I could feel her pain, her longing, her tears, her trying to be strong, her wanting to go back in time, her wanting to do things differently if she had the chance, her wanting another chance with him.

I was surprised at my degree of empathy for this girl. I think it's akin to the feeling you get when you cry at a sad movie, only this is more acute because it's not fictional. Love wounds are the most difficult to heal because it's a third degree burn. The skin needs to grow over the wound and it takes time, plus, the process is painful. You have to revisit the wound each day to clean it, and feel the rawness of the pain again.

As I am writing, this quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson popped up, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Truth about Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

Gal's Point of View - A Day to be hooked up at all cost
Guy's Point of View - A Day to be avoided at all cost

I got a call from a male friend on Valentine's Day, wishing me a good day and asked me for some advice. The girl he had been dating was asking him where they'd spend Valentine's Day.

My friend was hesitant and non-committal till the last moment. He said that he was going for a round of golf and wouldn't be back till after dinner time. In fact, he was home. He didn't want to have dinner with her because it would make them too "official". Drinks would be more casual and they would be less of an item. OK....

Gals all expected their significant others to "do something", coz that's what couples "should" do on Valentine's Day. To the gals, it would be unimaginable if there weren't any plans, presents, flowers in store on this big day. After all, what better day than Valentine's Day to show love and appreciation for each other? With much anticipation and expectation, the gals waited ....

The moral of the story is, if the gal is dating a guy above. This would be a day of utter disappointment. It is the everlasting struggle of guys wanting to be non-committal, and gals wanting commitment. Of course there are happy couples enjoying the day and each other's company. I believe that feeling appreciative of each other should be mutual. If the bond is there, you could feel it in your heart, each and every day, and not only on this day.

(Photo http://www.mydreamwedding.ca/uploads/Image/Kyla/8111.jpg)

Random Acts of Kindness

I have been collecting articles from magazines for years. This one came from the December 1991 issue of Glamour Magazine's editorial page.

It's titled "Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty".

"It's a crisp winter day in San Francisco. A woman in a red Honda, Christmas presents piled in the back, drives up to the Bay Bridge tollbooth. "I'm paying for myself, and for the six cars behind me," she says with a smile, handing over seven commuter tickets.

One after another, the next six drivers arrive at the tollbooth, dollars in hand, only to be told, "Some lady up ahead already paid your fare. Have a nice day."

The woman in the Honda, it turned out, had read something on an index card taped to a friend's refrigerator. "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." The phrase seemed to leap out at her, and she copied it down.

Another lady said "I thought it was incredibly beautiful," she said, explaining why she's taken to writing it at the bottom of all her letters, "like a message from above."

Now the phrase is spreading, on bumper stickers, on walls, at the bottom of letters and business cards. And as it spreads, so does a vision of guerilla goodness.

A man might plunk a coin into a stranger's meter just in time.
A dozen people with pails and mops and tulip bulbs might descend on a run-down house and clean it from top to bottom, while the frail elderly owners look on, dazed and smiling.
A woman writes "Merry Christmas!" to the tellers on the back of her checks.

Senseless acts of beauty spread: A man plants daffodills along the roadway, his shirt billowing in the breeze from passing cars.

They say you can't smile without cheering up yourself a little - likewise, you can't commit a random act of kindness without feeling as if your own troubles have been lightened if only because the world has become slightly a better place.

And you can't be a recipient without feeling a shock, a pleasant jolt. If you were one of those rush-hour drivers who found your bridge fare paid, who knows what you might have been inspired to do for someone later?" Excerpts from December 1991 issue Glamour magazine

I have been struggling with a few issues lately. After reading this article, I feel so much better, so much lighter. I truly feel that the world can become a nicer place, if we can be kinder to each other.

Appearance Matters

Rent or Buy?

The article by Sameer Reddy is titled "Keeping Up Appearances". It talks about how a character in a US prime time TV show, "Gossip Girl", "goes to great lengths to project a soignee appearance in order to court popularity at her exclusive Upper East Side prep school. She saves her allowances, frequent second hand shops, stitches her own party dress and does whatever else it takes to keep up with her better-off peers." In the end, she succeeded and even made it to "New York Post's Page Six gossip column."

The theme of the article is that a lot of people still want to project an air of well-off-ness in the economic downturn we are facing today. The gist is, we could do it with a little creativity and imagination. The author cited 2 luxury items, jewelry and bags, that women seemingly could not live without.

In this day and time, money in the pocket makes more sense than plunking it down on a sparkly diamond or a must-have bag. Popping up are lab-cultured diamonds and rent-a-bag shops. You could buy a diamond so real that diamond experts have a hard time to tell apart, and rent to own bags that could satisfy the urge to look hip.

I had a secret smile after reading this article. It reminded me of Jennifer Hudson's character, Louise, in the SATC movie. There was one scene when Carrie was interviewing her for an assistant post, and Louise was saying how she was living in a tiny room in NY city. Carrie then asked her how she could afford an LV bag, Louise smugly replied that she rented it, and said to Carrie, "You have a lot to learn from me, girl".

I still want to look good, but spending money in these tight times just doesn't make sense. Yeah, there are still a Chanel bag or 2 that I would looove to have, but parting with my money is not that easy now. I guess it has more to do than the economic crisis, I would want to believe that I have gotten wiser.

Weighing the US$2,000 I'd have to spend to get the coveted bag, is the amount of work I'd have to put into to find the money. Nowadays, I would ask myself, does the bag justify the extra stress? Well, the answer is a definite "No". My investment has shifted, from owning things to investing in myself, in knowledge and in values like empathy, integrity, and freedom.

Afterall things are just things and will fade away, or more likely, we'll be bored with it sooner than we think and will be stumped by the question, "Why the heck did I pay so much for this?"
Investing in oursleves, in the core of our being, is more long lasting. In the end, we'd appreciate the better person we have become.

(photo : http://www.purseblog.com/chanel-bags/)

Loving yourself is the Best Gift to Others

Today's title in "A Year of Living Consciously"

"On the surface it might sound like loving yourself is a selfish act, but it is actually the ultimate act of selfless giving....One moment of genuine self-love can result in a lifetime of compassionate contribution to others.

One of my friends, a yoga teacher and single parent with several children, told me, "If I take a few minutes in meditation each day to resonate with myself, I can do things all day with and for my kids. But if I don't take a little time for me each day, I end up feeling resentful about all the demands they make."

-Conscious Living Practice for today-

Take five or ten minutes to yourself today. Don't do anything, just sit and be. Appreciate yourself for simply being you. Realize: If I don't take wonderful care of myself, who will?

(Excerpt from A Year of Living Consciously by Gay Hendricks)

I am blessed with Merlyn to take care of my kids and my household chores. The house is cleaned, the kids are fed when I wake up. I could smell the coffee brewing when I get out of bed. This is heaven.

A week into her 3 weeks holiday back home in May last year, I almost went crazy with the things I had to do before I could enjoy my morning coffee. First, feeding the kids with their appropriate food, dog with dog food, cat with cat's, bird with bird's. Then comes the cleaning of their you-know-what. The point is, it totally broke my most important morning ritual of enjoying 2 cups of hot coffee first thing in the morning.

I was moody and I was impatient with the kids. I felt that I had no space and they were "asking" for too much, as if they could "talk". As I re-read this entry again with the calmness of Merlyn here taking care of everything, I could totally relate to the importance of having some time to yourself.

I guess the quote from Lucille Ball sums it all up, "I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."

Love

When you are still single and still searching... for the elusive one true love, welcome to the the realm of "Insecurity". You start to question yourself, question the person you are attracted to and ultimately, question your sanity.

A friend is mighty confused these days and the sense of insecurity has overwhelmed and obliterated all the joy one should cherish in the beginning of a relationship.

I think it's because we live in a result oriented world and often enough the process is a means to the end. We are so focused on the end result, we forget to enjoy the process. We live in the future rather than in the moment, in the flow of things.

When this friend started to ask me a lot of hypothetical "what if" questions, which I have no answer to, I said STOP. What's the worst case scenario here? The worst case is you two don't work out. The thing is, should you work yourself into a frenzy, worrying about what might or might not happen and miss out all the happiness now?

I am a firm believer in living in the moment and the process is as important, if not more important, than the result. So what if the lunch date won't turn into a permanent relationship? The least and most you can do, is enjoy the lunch with the person you like.

Order a dessert and share it. Savor the moment when you both dip your fork into it. When you miss that person, go and eat the dessert alone and feel his/her presence. When things don't work out, go and eat that dessert again in tears. Love is a bitter sweet experience, and because of that special someone, this dessert will forever be transformed and committed to your memory box with him/her.

Nobody could predict how things will pand out in the future. The most you can do is to live in the present, coz the present is a gift.

This is a bouquet of pale green sweet peas and white chrysanthemums I bought from the flower stall in our neighborhood.

Friend or Foe?

No one can deny that Facebook is a phenomenal success. I guess the original purpose is finding long lost friends and networking. However, it has evolved so much that sometimes I wonder if it is friend or foe.

A male friend always calls me up to test his privacy settings. He doesn't want certain friends to see pictures or information of him that would "sabotage" his friendship with another group of friends.

I have tempered with the privacy button as well. Not that I have any secrets on facebook, of all places, but I certainly just want "my friends" to see my status and stuff that goes on in my life. So, my privacy setting is always "only friends".

On a particular day, I found 3 girlfriends changing their status from "in a relationship" or "it's complicated" to "single". Then came the bombardment of comments and questions from other friends about their new found status.

On another occasion, a friend has repeatedly stated that she was feeling sad/blue/disappointed in her status. Her boss's boss is so concerned about her, that he has called her boss to see if she is okay.

Well, I think that the last example is a bit like Big Brother watching. Has facebook become our foe?

The Gift of Blindness

This is the title of October 12's entry from the book " A Year of Living Consciously". The entry is about a man driving under the influence and in the aftermath of a car accident, blinded. He says it's the best thing that happened to him. The incident "awakened the compassion and consciouness in him".

The man says he has been a really selfish person before, and didn't really know what love is, coz he has "never felt it as a child or grownup". But the man says the love he has for his guide dog is "the purest form of love" coz the man and his dog are linked together in a continous circle of service and gratitude".

The quote for the day is by Helen Keller:
"I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found my work, and my God."

I think that "the gift of experience" of my most painful moments, have taught me to be more humble and most importantly, not to take anything or any person for granted.

9/11

Today ( US time ) is 9/11. I could still remember watching the TV coverage 7 years ago. I thought I was watching a Die Hard movie rerun or some macho movie of that genre.

When I realized that it's real, I stood rooted on the spot and was stunned and speechless. The subsequent news coverage and mass casualities were painful, sad, and heartbreaking.

There was a study I read about that said, if a trauma was significant enough, you'd remember every detail of the day. The study was on what people remembered on the day that President Kennedy was assassinated. People could remember where they were, what they were doing and other minute details prior to and after the occurence.

To me, 9/11 has the same effect. I could vividly recall which spot I stood rooted to, staring at the TV screen. I could still remember the tears flowing when the names were read by the loved ones at the memorial ceremonies over the years.

There are some things you'd remember for life, and 9/11 is innocent lives taken and bravery honored.

(image Wikipedia)

Grace under pressure

While I was studying in Los Angeles, my big cousin became my chaperon. We lived on the same street, and if I needed anything, I would go and buzz his gate at all hours. I was a nuisance.

One day, he called and said he had tickets to the Lakers playoff, and invited me to go. Back then, I didn't know much about basketball, but an outing sure beat surfing TV channels at home.

That game had dominant players like Kareem Abdul-Jabar and Magic Johnson. Yeah, it was that long ago, and I have given away my age. Anyhow, I was hooked to the Lakers.

I have been a Lakers fan for years, and my memorable plays were those paired by Shaquille O' Neal and Kobe Bryant. Although the Chicago Bulls have dominated the NBA scene then, I was still rooting for the Lakers.

With Michael Jordan came the "star" power. A lot of players play to show off their stride and it's a show rather than team playing. The loss at the 2 previous Olympics brought out the arrogance of the players.

Not this time around. Although there are big stars like Kobe, Lebron James, Jason Kidd, Dwyane Wade and other great players, they played as a team. The other teams were rough on Team USA, but they managed to keep their cool, and just smiled, even they were fouled badly by other teams.

There was a shot of Lebron James and Kobe glaring and Carmelo Anthony losing his cool for a second, but Team USA played with grace, professionalism and team spirit. One more game and Team USA will be "golden" again.

I am very impressed with the grace and cool of Team USA's players. And Kobe has emerged a more mature player rather than the green, arrogant, green kid, from eons ago. When the pressure cooker is on, some lose it and begin to unravel and spiral downwards. The ones who come out winning are the ones who keep their cool, and gracefully take the pressure in stride.

Am I glad to be rooting for a graceful team!! USA for Gold!!!

(photo : yahoo picture gallery)

It's all relative...

I heard an answer today that I find extremely amusing. It goes like this. A mom asks her two-year old, "how old are you?", to which the toddler replies, "two old".

The little boy's logic being he is two years old, and since he was asked "how old", he completed the answer as "two old". I was bawling with laughter after I heard the story, because what I heard was the toddler saying he was "too old", instead of "two old".

I think that the little boy has made a point and they are words of wisdom. Parents want their children to grow up fast and healthy. As teens, we can't wait to be grown up enough, so we could be free of our parents' grasp. As grown-ups, we feel embarrassed when we or our friends acted "childishly". Funnily enough, when we see a jovial granny, we would remark how "youthful" she looks or how she is still "young at heart".

The moral of the story is, should we put so much emphasis as we do now in our societal convention to growing up and lose all our childhood traits or remain a child at heart, to retain our curiosity and sense of wonderment in life. How old is "too old" then?

The Art of Doing Nothing

What has happened to leisure, lounging around, doing nothing and simply enjoying life as it is? With the protestant work ethic instilled in us for centuries, work is good and achievement is the ultimate goal in life. Leisure is reduced to being lazy and reserved for the privileged.

With so many distractions in life and endless chores, it is difficult to be still. We are always running off to get something done. Doing nothing is a waste of time or a luxury that most can't afford.

In the midst of this rat race, have we ever pondered the meaning of it all? Personally, life-changing decisions often come when there is time to reflect, to be still, to be grateful. The ah-ha moments don't come when we are busy, frustrated and stressed. It takes doing nothing, to savor the moment and simply "be". In our times, doing something, anything, has become the norm, and doing nothing has become an obsolete art.

Faith

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

The times we invoke the power of prayer are usually in our hours of desperation, when we surrender to faith as the last resort. The times when we feel out of control are the scariest, because we have reached our limit and there is nothing more we could do. However, it is when we let go and "let God", that miracles happen.

Faith gives us strength and with this new found strength, we find courage to overcome our limits. In spite of the death of winter, we found an "invincible summer" in us. Humans are frail when we face seemingly insurmountable odds, but Faith, Hope and Love give us the strength to overcome the impossible. When the worst is over, we discover that we have become a bigger person. This is the best time to give thanks and pray that we continue to keep our faith and grow.